I’m sitting in silence on the day after Christmas, sipping my coffee and musing upon life…
I’ll be honest. For over a decade, the holiday season has been difficult for me. The reasons why are plenty and real in every sense of the word, but pertinent only to me and ones I choose not to elaborate upon right now.
This year, I wanted to overcome my struggle to find the season’s magic, so I shifted my mindset and focused upon its blessings instead of its anguish. I also I made the intention to look through the eyes of the younger people in my life, specifically my nieces and nephews.
And you know what? It worked.
Spending time with them and sharing in their collective wonder and awe made a tremendous difference in my spirit. Going all in and embracing festive moments led to joy replacing the dread formerly cast by my mind’s ghoolies and ghosts from Christmases past. I’ve still got some holiday hills to surmount next season, but I’m in a much better frame-of-mind this go-around.
But now, after all the anticipation, the holiday bonanza is over just like that and we’ve entered the year’s strangest stretch. Years ago, I made a sticker of the meme I posted above because it perfectly describes the stretch of days between Christmas and the new year.
Much like the weeks preceding Christmas, these peculiar days are festive at first, with bursts of activity amid pockets of rest, then transform into a wistful solace where we’re uncertain of how we’re supposed to feel or what we’re supposed to do.
We are confused, unsure, and indeed, full of cheese.
Do we continue to watch holiday shows and listen to holiday music like we did when I was growing up? Or do we abruptly banish them to next year’s calendar and move on, like mainstream media and marketing executives have already mandated by shifting the content of commercials and programming the second Santa departs from our rooftops?
Are we supposed to celebrate the year ahead, or mourn the year behind? Or do both?
Or neither?
And what the hell day is it again?
This odd stretch of boxes on our calendars is a time to reflect and renew, to cry goodbye while shouting hello, to remember where we’ve been while we focus on where we’re going. Many like-minded creators offer workbooks and journal prompts to assist us in examining our past, celebrating our present, and planning for our future, but I’m doing my own thing this year despite their valuable offerings.
2023 provided me with many gifts but began with a bang. I didn’t share this publicly, but I fell and fractured both of my elbows just five days into the year. Life forced me to slow down, which was very difficult for me, and I recovered at home for almost six weeks.
While my elbows healed, something sparked inside of me which I still cannot name or describe, a desire to really discover who I am. I honestly learned to trust the timing of my life, and since then, I’ve been traveling an amazing path. The insight from the writers and teachers I encountered along my path this year weren’t new by any means, but on several occasions, lights literally snapped on inside me in what I can only describe as moments of enlightenment (literally).
In those moments, I was ready to ACCEPT the information being offered to me and discovered new ways of looking at things from fully diving into the depths of these lessons. I adjusted my attitude about my past mistakes and shed the skins of shame and guilt. I broke through the barriers of fear and judgment to honor my right-now self and see her through lenses of love and absolute acceptance.
I am still walking down the obscured yet promising path that lies in front of me, the finish line well off in the distance, and know I am being led to a place where I can shine my light the brightest while sparking the light in others. I have a lot of questions but trust the answers will come in time.
Despite its heaviness, 2023 gave me endless moments filled with fascination, jubilation, and laughter, most of which featured at least one of my nieces and nephews by my side. I gazed upon some amazing places and landmarks, including looking down from the top of the Empire State Building, Lucy the Elephant and Absecon Lighthouse, Nashville (especially the Zoo), Boston, Williamsburg, Washington, D.C., Richmond, Liberty Science Center, Camden Aquarium, and our local boardwalk and aquarium. I rode over 30 coasters at Six Flags Great Adventure, Dutch Wonderland, HersheyPark, and King’s Dominion, and thanks to the no-fear attitude of my 9-year-old nephew I, rode the tallest roller coaster in the world, Kingda Ka. That’s something I NEVER thought I would do, and I’m so incredibly grateful to my nephew for inspiring me to overcome my fear. I saw a few rainbows, survived a few tornado warnings, fed alpacas, witnessed Anthony Volpe hit his first career home run at Yankee Stadium, and crossed off a bucket list item when I danced with my toes in the sand alongside treasured friends with the Foo Fighters on stage in front of me. I also “Celebrate”d with the Jonas Brothers, The Cure, Boy George and Culture Club, Berlin, Howard Jones, The Beach Boys, Weezer, and Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band.
2023 also gifted me with the incredible title of “Published Author.” My almost ten-year long serendipitous adventure came full circle, from when the seeds of Kelly’s story were first planted to signing my publication contract with Wild Rose Press in February (with healed elbows, I might add) to the indescribable feeling of holding the book in my hands on my publication day in November. It’s been a bit difficult adjusting to this new title, but I’m adapting and learning while going with the flow.
I usually either select a word or compile a list of goals or resolutions for the upcoming year, but when I lose sight of my previously declared vision or don’t accomplish the goals I set, I’m left spinning in a cycle of failure which leads to the ghoolies of self-deprication and doubt.
I’m changing my end-of-year routine this year and look ahead to 2024 with my right-now self in mind. I will put her first and advocate for her peace of mind above all else while striving to live each and every moment I can.
I aim to connect with my soul at the beginning of each day, dutifully fulfill the needs of my right-now self, and reflect upon the day’s gifts at its end. I will also make steady progress on my projects and creations, like finishing two half-written novels, but I will not beat myself up if I stall or if my plans change or go awry.
I want to continue learning as much as I can from people who inspire me so I can spark the light in others. My first step in that direction will be beginning a 200-hour yoga teacher training program in January under the tutelage of my fantastic yoga teacher, Katie.
I will say YES to whatever opportunities the universe hands to me as long as those opportunities serve me, and when they don’t, I will say NO without guilt. I will continually express gratitude for my blessings and abundance, rest and recharge when I need to, and employ all of my senses while walking along the road less traveled.
Most of all, I want to be in awe of everything I encounter and experience joy as much as is possible, especially when I am in the company of those I love.
In the new year ahead, I hope you experience abundant joy in every moment and that your right-now self receives what he/she most needs.
Eat as much cheese as you want.
And cake, too. Eat the damn cake!
If you’re looking for a super book to cozy up with on the winter days ahead, may I unabashedly recommend Enduring the Waves to you? I guarantee you’ll make at least one connection to Kelly’s story. Click on the book cover above for ordering links and more, including a Reader’s Guide (kind of like a study guide for the book should you be interested in a deeper relationship with it).
Thank you for reading this. Thank you for supporting me. And thank you for joining me on my journey.
With light and love,
Jill
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“A Heartfelt Reflection from a Writer Full of Cheese” was posted on jillocone.com on December 26, 2023. Views and opinions expressed in this post are solely those of the writer, who was not endorsed or compensated in any manner by any entity; views do not represent any of my employers. Copyright 2023, Jill Ocone. All rights reserved. Contact Jill with reposting, licensing, and publishing inquiries using any of the links below.
Jill Ocone 
