“The Land of Confusion”

We’ve officially been at this now for over two months. Signs of normalcy are returning not only as a result of governmental executive orders, but also because of personal defiance.

The collective’s mantra: We’re frustrated. We’re tired. And we’ve had enough.

I see both sides to this very peculiar coin: Everyone needs to be safe without becoming either sick or a carrier/infector, but everyone also needs to go about their daily lives.

I’m torn as to what side to take, as are many others who are also grappling with the contradictions of our way of life right now….what is closed, what is open, what should be open, new ways to gather in celebration of life’s special moments versus traditional ways, and so on…

Listen to my heart, or listen to my wants and needs? Postpone and wait? Cancel and move on? Or just do it anyway and ask for forgiveness later from not only authorities but from the people we unknowingly infect and the families we forever change?

Should we fear a second, and a third, and who knows how many more subsequent waves, or is that prediction from the scientific experts a bunch of hullabaloo? Should we be concerned about the possibility of higher antibody counts causing more serious complications when we become re-infected, which throws the idea of immunity out the window, or throw caution to the wind and ignore the data? What about the theory that the virus has already mutated into countless varying forms here in the United States, each with different effects and varying degrees of gravity?

Or should we go about business as usual and pretend this was all a bad dream, or that the virus doesn’t exist because “it’s such a nice day and I just want to be with people and go to the beach again?”

Unfortunately, this is not a dream. This is real.

The economy has tanked. People are out of work, and will be for a while or forever, depending on the severity of the virus’ ripple effects. Lives have been ruined, not by choice, but by circumstance.

Most importantly, people have died.

Let me repeat that: PEOPLE HAVE DIED.

Can I live with the fact I may unintentionally pass on the virus to a loved one, or a friend, or a colleague, or a student, and that person becomes a statistic simply because I threw caution to the wind and ventured out for an ice cream cone, which I’ll be honest, I’m craving like crazy right now?

Is that ice cream cone, or going to the beach or the boardwalk, or hugging my niece and nephew kiddos, or watching my students graduate in person, or anything else for that matter worth the potential price of a fellow human’s life? Is saying “the hell with social distancing and face masks” worth that price?

I can’t speak for you, but I can speak for ME:

No.

It most certainly is NOT.

Someday I’ll enjoy that ice cream cone. Someday I’ll be able to return safely to the beach and the boardwalk. Someday I’ll be able to hug my nieces and nephews again without fear of getting them or anyone else sick. Someday, I’ll be able to celebrate the accomplishments of my students in person and once again teach in my actual classroom. Someday I’ll get to once again go to a concert or to Yankee Stadium for a game. Someday I’ll be able to retire my face mask.

But that day is not today, and it’s not tomorrow, either.

No war was ever won with self-serving dissention among the majority of collective victors. Even the doubters put their differences aside as they marched onward towards victory as one.

Cabin fever sucks big time.

Losing a loved one sucks even more.

Losing our own life sucks the most.

I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if my actions led to the death of one of my brothers and sisters in humanity, even someone I didn’t know and never met but casually passed as I ventured out into bizarro-world in my conquest for a cone.

Life is the most precious gift entrusted to us all, and my heart cannot be responsible for trading your most precious gift for anything.

I’ll endure and march onward wearing my facemask in formation at least six feet away from my fellow soldiers with you in my heart.

Someday, we’ll be the victors, together.

And, damn, those ice cream cones will be the best cones we’ve ever tasted.

 

 Thanks for joining me on my journey. I’m glad you’re here.

With gratitude,

Jill

“Coronacation Chronicles – May 17, 2020” was posted on jillocone.com and on soulseaker.com on May 17, 2020. Views and opinions expressed in this post are solely those of the writer, who was not compensated in any way by any entity. Copyright 2020, Jill Ocone. All rights reserved. Contact jillocone@gmail.com with reposting, licensing, and publishing inquiries.