I’ve noticed the word EQUANIMITY popping up along my path a lot this summer, and I am called to write about it in hopes it might shine some light upon you.

I wouldn’t have been able to define the word equanimity a year ago, but today, it is the root source of my inner peace and something I’ve all-in embraced.

In one of his meditations on my Calm app this week, Jeff Warren focused upon equanimity. He described it as staying balanced in mind despite external circumstances while honoring the idea of coexisting with paradoxical emotions.

I immediately thought of my online writing cohort’s discussion this week about focusing on the positive but not at the exclusion of the negative. Society pushes a “good vibes only” mentality on us, and we are conditioned to avoid feeling bored, agitated, anxious, or sad. Toxic positivity forces us to try to control situations out of our control or to run away from ourselves in moments of stress, annoyance, or frustration. When we cannot escape the dark cloud hovering over us, we are left wondering what’s wrong with us and why we are being prevented from living our so-called “best lives.”

Despite our all-or-nothing culture, contrasts coexist: dark and light, comfort and discomfort, pleasure versus displeasure, being kind yet setting barriers, and so on. It is possible to simultaneously experience both comfort and discomfort in a balanced way without allowing one or the other to overwhelm us.

Likewise, each moment carries within it a variety of contrasts. I think of Joy in Inside Out 2, which I saw with a group of wonderful people this week, and how she sent all of Riley’s uncomfortable moments and memories to the back of Riley’s mind so they wouldn’t make her sad.

It’s something we all are guilty of, consciously and unconsciously shaping our lives based upon our preferences and experiences. We reach for what we like and try to hold onto it for as long as possible, sometimes at the expense of our own growth. Likewise, we push back or flinch away from what we don’t like or what makes us feel icky, then relegate it to the back of our minds, just like Joy did for Riley, without learning or growing from it.

What if, instead, we open ourselves to the ideas of discomfort, tension, and ickiness? Perhaps we can notice them, name them, then become curious about them. We can say, “Oh, I see you, there, Discomfort. I wonder, what made you show up right now?,” then breathe in and out as many times as we need to while considering its source and our correct reaction to it without judgment.

That’s equanimity.

When we experience displeasure, we can recall enJOYable or pleasurable activities, moments, and people in our lives. The word JOY is embedded right in the word. That might mean doing something very simple, like tracing your breath as it moves through you, feeling the warm sun upon your face, listening to the birds singing outside your window, or sitting in soothing silence and just being. You might picture the face of a friend who always makes you laugh or a beautiful place you once visited. It doesn’t have to be a grandiose or large vision or act, and it doesn’t have to involve thrill seeking. Once we start noticing tiny slivers of joy throughout our days, life becomes more meaningful and balanced, and without even realizing it, we develop and embrace our own equanimity.

If you find this practice difficult, notice what you find when you think about what brings you joy and how you relate to it. Be open to what is present without chasing or becoming fixated upon it. Trust it will come in its own time. You might consider jotting down what I like to call “sparks of joy” you experience in a journal or a planner at each day’s end.

Regardless of whether things are enjoyable, neutral, or disagreeable, you can smooth out the kinks by seeing them as an essential part of your life and coexisting with them rather than dismissing them.

Equanimity helps us to be open to what is here in this present moment, whether we would choose it or not. We acknowledge this moment as we inhale and exhale, all the while considering the responses that naturally emerge inside of us. We then rise, ready to coexist with it from a grounded and centered place. When we no longer have to avoid the part of life we do not like or solely cling onto the parts we do, we expand the realm of what is possible both within us and for us.

Joy. Sadness. Anger. Disgust. Fear. Anxiety. Envy. Embarrassment. Ennui. Every other emotion lurking inside us. All play an integral role in our equanimity, and it’s okay to feel all of them.

You can’t force your equanimity to show up. It grows through practice according to its own schedule and appears when you are ready, most likely at a time you least expect to meet it. The more you allow equanimity to do its thing, the more your mind will be calm and balanced, especially in challenging situations or times of stress. My equanimity has helped me become so much more balanced in trying situations that used to automatically fill me with anger, bitterness, and frustration. As a result, I can better control my reactions while fortifying my boundaries to external forces or priorities that do not align with my inner peace or purpose. It’s become second nature and has greatly improved my overall well-being.

One way to cultivate equanimity is to establish a regular meditation practice, even if that is just sitting in silence for a few minutes a day. For years, I thought I was doing something wrong because my mind wandered whenever I tried to meditate, but that’s what my mind is SUPPOSED to do! If you find yourself distracted while you meditate, bring yourself back to the present moment and keep going. You are not failing! Incorporating movement into your day is another way to find and strengthen your equanimity. You don’t need to spend money or schlep to a studio. Consider doing some simple stretches for five minutes at your work desk or taking a short walk during a break.

As a former doubter myself, I assure you equanimity exists within you and is possible to experience. You might have to dig a little to find it, but it’s there waiting inside you and is one of the best treasures about yourself you will ever discover.

If you are looking for a way to really connect with your equanimity, go see Inside Out 2. It’s amazing and relatable on so many levels. While it is appropriate for all ages, I believe adults will actually get more out of the film than children. It helped me to honor and celebrate rather than regret parts of my journey here on Earth. There is a brief, end credits scene, so be sure to wait for the end of the scroll.

An awareness of equanimity, however, cannot solve everything. If you find yourself overwhelmed by life or negative thoughts, please consider reaching out to a licensed mental health or healthcare professional. If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or a mental health crisis, please call 911 immediately or the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.

Thank you for joining me on my journey. I’m so glad you are here.

With light and love,

Jill

“What is EQUANIMITY, and why is it essential?” was posted on jillocone.com on August 9, 2024. Views and opinions expressed in this post are solely those of the writer, who was not endorsed or compensated in any manner by any entity; views do not represent any of my employers. Copyright 2024, Jill Ocone. All rights reserved. Contact Jill with reposting, licensing, and publishing inquiries using any of the links below.